NituLand - The hidden world inside Nitu

Treasures....

2007-03-23T11:52:00.000+05:30

It's so hard to find the perfect breeze,
One blowing none too hard nor soft,
Carrying a scent of wild flowers,
And moving clouds about aloft.

It's so hard to find the perfect sky,
One blue and deep and bright,
Carrying a sense of openness
With sea gulls n albatross in flight.

It's so hard to find the perfect night,
One warm, quiet and unflawed,
Carrying a mood of solitude,
And a closeness to our God.

Yet no perfection's so hard to find
As that which you extend
And none I'll ever treasure more,
Than to simply be your friend.

School Day...

2007-03-23T09:50:00.000+05:30

You’re still half asleep; your homework’s half done...
Your shower is cold; your breakfast's dry...
Your mother forgets to kiss you good-bye...
You’re walking to school; it’s thirty degrees...
Your fingers won’t work; your toes and ears freeze...
Your zipper is stuck; your left shoe squeaks...
Your backpack strap snaps; your water bottle leaks...
You slip on school steps; you trip in the corridor...
The games room is locked; library’s the same...
The principal greets you by the wrong name...
Your classroom is hot; the power's gone...
Your pencils are dull; the sharpener jams...
Your fingers get crunched while closing your box...
Your partner’s missing; your neighbor is rude...
Your teacher’s again in a crabby mood...
The morning bell rings; it is 8:31...
Come clear the blackboard,
Another school day’s begun.

Freind!!

2007-03-23T09:43:00.000+05:30

Growing pains..
Broken chains..
Falling tears..
Listening ears..
Reaching out..
Sharing doubt..
Hands to clutch..
Gentle touch..
Spoken words..
Softly heard..
Holding tight..
Guiding light..
That's my friend..
But not in my end.....

Tear Shed

2007-03-23T09:40:00.001+05:30

I shed a tear today...
Silently, I felt it fall
You caught it
shared it
held it
felt it
then suddenly
it wasn't
so big after all........

Deceive!!

2007-03-23T09:38:00.000+05:30

You smiled, you spoke, and I believed,
By every word and smile deceived...
Another man would hope no more...
Nor hope what I hoped before...
But let not this last wish go in vain...
Deceive, deceive me once again!!!

The Dummy!!

2006-12-28T21:20:00.000+05:30

In that forgotten part of town
Where wasted hopes and dreams abound,
A wrinkled man with life near end,
In hopes to have at least one friend,
With fashioned bits of wood and things
He made a dummy run by strings.

He sat alone for hours on end,
Conversing with his only friend
And found delight within the fact
That he controlled it's every act.
He told it how he never had
A chance, since all his luck was bad
Although he'd tried so to succeed
The dummy nodded and agreed.

And how his journeys in romance
Had never given him a chance,
And wasn't it a crying shame
That he was always held to blame
When everyone knew, oh so well,
That life is but a living Hell,
Controlled by lust and power and greed?
The dummy nodded and agreed.

With patience that would rival saints,
That dummy sat through all complaints
And, with each little expert tug,
He'd droop his head or bow or shrug
And give some comfort to the man
Who held his lifelines in his hand
And helped to fill a lonely need
When he just nodded and agreed.

Senility increased with time
As did the old man's pantomime,
And feverish fingers pulled with glee
The dummy's dance of misery.
They never left each other's side
Until the day both stopped and died.
We found them lying, hand in hand,
The dummy - and his wooden friend.....

Me!!

2006-12-11T22:51:00.000+05:30

In my mind
Nothing is clear
All this pain
Won't dissapear

On my skin
There are incisions
From when i was scared
And made wrong decisions

In my eyes
You can see the rage
You can see the pain
And me in a cage

I'm locked inside
For no one to see
A fake on the outside
Pretending to be me

Everyday
I put on a smile
Pretend i'm happy
But only for a while

Once i get home
The smile goes away
The real me comes out
He comes out to play

The real me
No body knows
Not even me.............

Memories..........

2006-12-08T13:16:00.000+05:30

Memories...
Haunt me..
Dimensions of dreams..
Swirl by..
Colors of sorrow..
Merge the past..
Into my present..
Play with my mind..
Steal my future..
Desert me..
Of Images..what might have been..
Relinquish my hold..
On my shattered heart..
Memories of yesteryear....
Take away....my corroded soul....
Within the drop of a single tear.......

Stuck...

2006-10-22T12:42:00.000+05:30

Stuck here nowhere to go,
Stuck here nowhere to hide,
Stuck here felling so low,
Stuck here nothing left on my side,
Stuck here pretending to smile,
Stuck here forcing a grin,
Stuck here gonna be for a while,
Stuck here holding it in.
Stuck here they broke my spirit,
Stuck here they broke my heart,
Stuck here starting to fear it,
Stuck here falling apart.
Stuck here all on my own,
Stuck here no one to hold,
Stuck here feeling alone,
Stuck here ready to fold.
Stuck here trying so hard,
Stuck here just wanna fit,
stuck here permanently scarred,
Stuck here until i quit,
STuck here forever....n ever.......

Me and my loneliness

2006-10-22T12:39:00.000+05:30

I'm sitting here alone.
In this empty room
which keeps on getting emptier.

I'm sitting here alone
In this small room,
It keeps getting smaller.

I try thinking of something or someone.
But nothing comes to my head,
I'm alone…

I'm sitting here alone in this dark room,
It keeps on getting darker.
Nobody is home
I feel so alone.

I go out on the street,
I stand alone.
I see the long street,
It keeps on getting longer.
It's a dead street,
Which keeps on dying.
A silent street. A lonely street.

Nothing surrounds me;
No sound, no smell, no sight.
Nothing...

A world once filled with love n care,
Now gone...
It's gone and it's left us alone.
Me and my loneliness.........

One Last.......

2006-10-22T12:32:00.000+05:30

I'm falling,
Falling into an abysm,
Falling through shadows,
Through darkness,
Through anger,
Through pain,
Falling into the consuming flames of doubt.

The coldness keeps me alive,
Alive when I'm wishing I was dead.
One last breath of hope
Lifts me over the mist.

The past know gone,
Gone with the happiness, the joy.
The future lies just a minute away.
A minute away from loneliness,
Just a minute away from death.

No more sadness,
No more sorrow,
No more problems,
No more life.

One last goodbye,
One last smile,
One last tear,
One last love,
One last everything.

My Buddy!!

2006-10-22T12:28:00.000+05:30

As another day comes and goes by,
I shy away to be on my own.
I'm visited by my good friend Loneliness,
Who comforts me when I am alone.

We share an evening, speaking of how
Interesting, witty and popular I was today.
The jokes soon follow,
Realising no one else saw me this way.

We reminisce through
An array of memorable stories.
And talk hopefully of days
Full of future glories.

Loneliness is a regular visitor
And his timing is never wrong.
Although, he does have one flaw,
He always stays a bit too long........hehe

Nobody!!

2006-10-14T14:23:00.000+05:30

Nobody has me,
Nobody shares me,
I am complete within myself.
Nobody heals me,
Nobody hurts me,
I am immune within myself.
Nobody sees me,
Nobody hears me,
Yet I exist within myself.
Nobody shuns me,
Nobody seeks me,
So here I hide within myself.
Nobody knows me,
Nobody greets me,
Unrecognized within myself.
Nobody hates me,
Nobody loves me,
Therefore, I grieve within myself.
Nobody lives me,
Nobody is me,
I am alone within myself..............

Almost

2006-08-18T13:10:00.000+05:30

I'm only halfway broken,
Just a little gone,
Almost to the brink,
Almost fully drawn

I'm just a little sad
Only slightly torn
I only wish sometimes
That I was never born

I almost feel insane
I'm not always lonely
A few people feel like me
I'm not the one and only

I'm somewhat of a quitter
I kinda know what's wrong
I'm not strong enough to deal
I knew that all along...

I'm near the edge of reason
A few steps and I'd be there
A little to the right,
And maybe you would care

I was just about to make it
So close, but I fell short
It was almost meant to be;
My second to last resort

I'm midway through the battle
I'm near the end of going away
I'm almost completely certain
That I'll never be okay

Like a sister!!

2006-08-10T13:14:00.000+05:30

Like a sister
I turn to when
Life is bad

Like a friend
I know will be there
When life seems sad

Someone I know
Will cheer me up
Just by her voice

Like a sister
Like a friend
Someone I never had

No words are
Strong enough to
Express what I feel

Like a sister
Like a friend
Someone I never had

My Life!!

2006-08-07T03:20:00.000+05:30

I open my eyes
But maybe its better they stay closed
For what misery today will bring
I just don't know

Every day is like the one before
I find I'm more hurt and lost
Than ever before

I can't remember a time
Where I was happy and smiling
It feels like forever
That inside I've been dying

It's strange
But I've got use to it
Being this way
It's part of my life now
Depressed everyday

I thrive on the sadness
That tears my heart
I find some sort of comfort in it
This pain that rips me apart

I was once smiling
Once warm
And so care free
Now I look at myself
And say
"What has happened to me?"

What made me this way?
So cold and lost
Were the memories so bad
That I forced them to be forgot

How I can brake free?
And leave this behind
I'm tired of being this way all the time

I just want to be held close
But I know I'll push everyone away
I'm too scared to let anyone in
Because I know no one will stay

How do you fix a soul
Which has pieces long gone
How do you fix a life?
That has gone so badly wrong

This is who I am
Every day and every night

Helplessness

2006-07-23T11:54:00.000+05:30

There is pain in my heart...
No one who can comfort me,
No one who cares,
No one to share my pain,
Ease my suffering...

Why must it be so hard?
Why should it happen to start with?
The unanswerable questions
ring out to the stars,
and only silence replies
with it's smooth sound...

I scream with anguish,
and the pain of helplessness.
"There must be something I can do, mustn’t there?"
The whimpered query
hangs in the air,
"please?".

But only silence and time remain,
one a comforter,
the other, a healer.
So why am I not comforted,
or healed of my pain,
and only misery remains?

Love

2006-06-26T02:11:00.000+05:30

What is it with Love???
That makes me...And then breaks me?
When in love...Do I truly love?
Is it really love...Or do I think that I love?
Maybe I just love being in love...
Or love the idea of being in love?
I spent years chasing love...
In the end the one thing I truly love...
Could just be the mere pursuit of love...

Lonely Soul

2006-06-18T20:15:00.000+05:30

The lonely soul wanders
Alone in the walks of life
No other soul as his companion
The lonely soul wanders

Alone in the daybreak
He does his duties
In the walks of life
The lonely soul wanders

Alone in the life
He meets many other souls
Who comes to be
Unfit for the lonely soul
The lonely soul wanders

As the days pass by
The lonely soul became
More lonely, with no other
souls as his companion
The lonely soul wanders

Alone in the walks of life
The lonely soul decides
Not to die, but to face
Life in all its hardships
The lonely soul wanders........

Your Picture!!

2006-06-18T12:44:00.000+05:30

I have never seen anyone’s photo
With such longing.
But when I come to the last page
I can’t close the album.
I trace my fingers over your eyes,
Feeling the warmth of your tears.
I weep yet still you look at me
Not saying a word,
Not responding to the warmth of my hands.
Days come and go,
And every day, many times,
When I come to the last page,
I can’t bring myself to close the album,
You are still looking at me,
Cold and silent.

Tit or Tat!!

2006-06-18T12:19:00.000+05:30

Laugh, and the world laughs with you;
Weep, and you weep alone.

Sing, and the hills will answer;
Sigh, it is lost on the air.

Rejoice, and people will seek you;
Grieve, and they turn and go.

Be glad, and your friends are many;
Be sad, and you lose them all.

Feast, and your halls are crowded;
Fast, and the world goes by.

Run, and everyone tries to keep pace;
Stop, and you are left behind.

Lost.....

2006-06-18T11:34:00.000+05:30

Lost in a world, that scares me to death,
Lost in a crowd, I'm losing my breath.
Lost as a boy, lost as a man,
I need to grow up, don't think I can.

Lost as a person, can't find my way.
Lost in life, every day.
Lost in worry, who am I?
All my life, I've lived a lie.

Lost to kindness, lost to love,
Lost in a sky, like a new-born dove.
Lost in thought, which I shouldn't do,
It winds me up, I can’t get through.

Lost to comfort, all kind words,
Lost to advice, it isn't heard.
Lost to those who really care,
All these people, always there.

Lost in me, I need a break,
Lost in wonder, which road to take?
Lost in a place I don't know well,
Where are you now? There's no one to tell.

Lost here, all alone,
Lost apart from the mobile phone.
Lost still, there are no calls.
I'm struggling alone, to break these walls.

Lost in mind, lost in soul,
Lost memories, nothing whole.
Lost love, lost friends,
I'm trying hard, to get through these bends.

Lost in time, lost in space,
Lost in my world, can't keep up the pace.
Lost Inside....forever........

Marriage!!

2006-06-18T11:22:00.000+05:30

A marriage of two
is for love that is true

A marriage of two
is always something new

A marriage of two
happens sometimes out of the blue

A marriage of two
is worth it when its due

A marriage of two
is a marriage of trust

Many can find themselves lost
It can be an expensive cost

They are only very few
who have a clue
of when love accrues

A marriage of two
can be bad
A marriage of two
can be sad

You should only be glad if
A marriage of two
is for love that is true
As it will last all thru....

A Friend

2006-06-13T09:41:00.000+05:30

A friend
What makes a friend?
A friend
Is someone that everyone needs
A friend
Is that special one
A friend
Is someone you tell everything
A friend
Is someone you never lie to
A friend
Can be of any age old or young
A friend
Is someone that is always there
A friend
Will always listen to you
A friend
Will never leave you in trouble
A friend
Will help you through the thick and the thin
A friend
Will always stand by your side
A friend
Is what I don't have....
A friend
Is what I m searching for....

Memory Lane

2006-06-11T14:35:00.000+05:30

Travelling down the memory lane
is not all black n white
Travelling down the memory lane
is not all lacking light
Travelling down the memory lane
is not eye filled with tears
Travelling down the memory lane
brings fresh and soothing air
Travelling down the memory lane
is college, fun and friends
Travelling down the memory lane
is full of curves and bends
Travelling down the memory lane
is a test of time and mind
Travelling down the memory lane
is a joy of it's own kind

Invisible

2006-06-11T14:29:00.000+05:30

I sit alone, invisible
A shadow glooming everywhere
A whisper in the howling wind
A hole of pity and despair

I sit alone, invisible
No one really knows me
Just a face without a name
A ghost on a silent sea

I sit alone, invisible
Never to be known
A blade of grass in an endless field
Never to be grown

I sit alone, invisible
To small to count for anything
Just a voice to soft to hear
An angel without wings

My World

2006-06-11T13:58:00.000+05:30

I sit here alone, in this dark place
My mind has gone crazy, my heart's in a race
I sit here alone, with my thoughts gone mad
I feel I'm insane, my life's turned bad
I sit here alone, as people pass by
I scream to be heard, but can't and cry
I sit here alone, I'm all messed up
I have no control, It's time to give up
I sit here alone, I can't hold on
I'm losing my grasp, My sanity's gone
I sit here alone, My freedom is here
The struggle is over, I won't shed a tear
I sit here alone, I shall never see light
I have only darkness, In my world tonight

You are not alone!!!!

2006-06-11T13:52:00.000+05:30

No calls, no emails
No books, no movies
No coffee, no poems
No one that says "Hey come on bud, keep your head held high!"

No photographs, No letters
No songs, no company
No mom, no dad, no preachers
No one to turn to when it all goes downhill again

No sister, no love
No friends, no neighbours
No sunshine, no light
No one to love and to comfort me in these dark days

But the thing I want the most right now;
Is someone that would talk to me:
Tell me "You are not alone"

Not alone
Not alone
Not alone

Someone who tells:
You are not alone

Alone :(

2006-06-11T13:17:00.000+05:30

Alone Alone all alone...
Alone I sit and think
Alone I sulk and sink
Alone I start in the morning
Alone I wait in the endless night
Alone I stand and fight
Alone I pray for rainbow lights
Alone I seek the glimmer of hope
Alone I celebrate my joys
Alone I cry out my sadness
Alone I voice out my fears
Alone I listen to the my whispers
Alone I stare at the sky
Alone I sit under a tree
Alone I try to understand
Alone I seek knowledge
Alone I share what is mine
Alone I try not to be alone
Alone I live today
Alone I will die someday...(hehe)
Alone I will drift away to oblivion
Been so Alone all the way....

Lonely.......

2006-06-08T10:28:00.000+05:30

Each day I wake up with a frown
Rumours keep spreading around town
That I'm suffering a mental breakdown

A solitary walk I walk
A lonely talk I talk
As I wander as a lonely on the lonely road

I wander as a lonely at night
I wander as a lonely on sight
I wander as a lonely at day
I wander as a lonely and pray
I wander as a lonely each n every day

Slow down, slow down
Shut down, shut down
Shutdown the lonely thing before I drown

Why can't I embrace my friends with warmth
As they can give me assistance
Save me from my lonely existence
Why do I keep fighting love
Bending it around like a curve
With my glowering face
Reserving only a lonely place,
Halting happiness to arrive in my life

Why dont I ever stop to wonder?
Why dont I ever stop to ponder?
Am I the reason for the lonely blunders?

Slow down, slow down
Shut down, shut down
Can I remove from my head that lonely crown

I wander endlessly as a lonely
Searching for a spot called homely
But my face is missing that vital smile called lovely ...

Entrapment!!

2006-04-29T01:22:00.000+05:30

Today i was sitting and staring at the mirror.... and i saw Nitu there...

I see an image in the corner
An image of what was me

I look into his eyes…
His pain is all so clear
I wonder why he shakes like that
When someone comes near

But when I reach out towards him…
I find I’m touching glass…
And he is really me!!

I look into his eyes…
I’m shocked by his despair

Again I reach towards him…
The cold glass soothes his pain
I know that I must reach him now
Before he goes insane

But no matter how I try...
He’s still on the other side
Reaching back towards my hands
Yet longing to run and hide

And now he looks so broken
As I smash the cold hard glass
I know that I must reach him…
And I know it must be fast

I see his falling pieces…
Distorted on the floor
Contorted in so many ways
He’s broken now I’m sure

I reach out to the glass…
But he’s gone from my sight
I long to find his broken soul
I long to put it right

But I don’t know how to save him
I try so hard to call him back...

So I stare… in the mirror…
And I start to see…
All I need to do is set him free...

NituLand!!!!!

2006-04-12T13:43:00.000+05:30

Nituland....
A place where.... we have.....
Bright shining lights,
Smiling faces,
Laughter,
Music,
Peace and love,
Timeless space,
Meaningless chat,
Deep midnight conversations....

Will also have....
My friends close by...
To need and be needed,
To help and be helped,
To listen...

My perfect world
Exists in me
You're welcome to visit...
to stay...
Pull up a chair
And together
We can see it through

Magic Mirror!!....

2006-04-12T13:39:00.000+05:30

Mirror mirror on the wall
Show me what you see
If you really reflect it all
Show every piece of me

Behind my eyes, behind my smile
Deep into my soul
Linger for a little while
Show me all you see

Can you show the bruised and battered place in me
Can you show the part that longs to be set free
Can you show the piece of me that's mild
Can you show the adult inside the child
Can you show the heart that won't let anyone in
Can you show the innocence hiding behind the sin
Can you show the coward inside the fighter
Can you show the part that's drunk with laughter
Can you show the side where life's a joke
Can you show the piece that just can't cope

So, mirror mirror on the wall
I’ll step back so I can see
If you really reflect it all
And show every piece of me

As each day goes by

2006-03-31T11:07:00.000+05:30

As each day goes by...
I sit back and think, Is it really so hard?

As each day goes by...
I sit back and think, Maybe they're right?

As each day goes by...
I sit back and think, What to do?

As each day goes by...
I sit back and think, Can this be true?

As each day goes by...
I sit back and think, Is time the best healer?

As each day goes by...
I sit back and think, When will things change?

As each day goes by...
I sit back and think, Can I go on?

As each day goes by...
I sit back and think, Maybe I should at least try?

As each day goes by...
They always say,
"There's nothing more to do,
You have to take life and trouble"
As each day goes by............As each day goes by...........

Loneliness...

2006-03-29T14:31:00.000+05:30

As I lay here in my dark, and lonely room,
filled with sadness , and with gloom.
I search for your voice, but it's not there.
I reach to touch you, but touch only air.
In my heart is a loneliness that I alone must bear.
I feel all around me there is no one who really cares.
So, forgive me if I must cry out
"Is This What Life Is All About?"
to feel so empty, and cast out.
Where are the ones who said they cared!
Where are the ones who said they would always be there!
So, as I lay here in my dark, and lonely room ,
filled with sadness, and with gloom.
Forgive me if I must cry out,
"Is This What Life Is All About?"

In One Instant...

2006-03-26T02:37:00.000+05:30

In one instant,One's life changes.
In one instant,One's heart rearranges...

In one instant,One must face the truth.
In one instant,Life is more then just youth...

In one instant,Time stands still.
In one instant,One must swallow the bitter pill...

In one instant,Ones love is past.
In one instant,There's nothing left to last...

In one instant,There's nothing to say.
In one instant,everything goes away...

In one instant,Its all over and done.
In one instant,You are not the one...

In one instant,It's all loss and no gain.
In one instant,There's nothing..but PAIN...

Why Do I ??

2006-03-25T13:03:00.000+05:30

Why do I smile at the sound of your voice?
Why do I let you take over me as if I had no choice?
Why do I miss that electric touch?
Why do I like to have you around so much?

Why do I melt at that flying kiss?
Why do I feel like I could live forever like this?
Why do I put my heart in your hands?
Why do I answer all your demands?

Why do I tell you leaving me is not your wrong?
Why do I let you know with out you I'm not strong?
Why do I suffer even though I know it's not right?
Why do I give up even without putting up a fight?

Why do I care about you even though you hurt me?
Why do I turn my head from what's the reality?
Why do I try to hide from what is true?
Why do I still miss you?

Insomnia...

2006-03-23T04:27:00.000+05:30

A poem by Charles Shultz donno the name of the poem so have named it my way :p amazing one so thot of putting it here.

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask,
Where have I gone wrong?
Then a voice says to me,
This is going to take more than one night.

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask,
Is life a multiple choice test or is it a true or false test?
Then a voice comes out of the dark, and says:
We hate to tell you this, but life is a thousand word essay.

Sometimes I lie awake at night and I ask,
Why me?
And the voice says,
'Nothing personal your name just happened to come up.

Sometimes I lie awake at night in bed and I ask,
Is it all worth it? And then a voice says, 'Who are you talking to?' And another voice says,
You mean: to whom are you talking?
And I say, 'No wonder I lie awake at night.'

Quilt...

2006-03-22T12:36:00.000+05:30

Can you see me? Have you even tried?
No, you looked right through me...
My pain I wear, like a patchwork quilt...
Surely you saw me, in these multi colors...
Pain, regret, sorrow, rejection...
Each square is a tribute of its own to my stupidity...
See the threads? I bet you can...
They are my tears....
connecting one painful memory to another...
You carry the tool to take this quilt apart...
Can you, would you, free me?
Free me from this pain i wear...
Thats all i want i swear...

Hide to Cry

2006-03-22T12:01:00.000+05:30

I hide to cry
because I have no where to call my own
and "happily ever after" is a land too far away,
just after once upon a time; just this side of the rainbow
and no one really cares anyway

I hide to cry
because I know I will never get it
and dreams don't really come true
its just all make believe stuff
and it really doesn't matter

I hide to cry
because my weakness brings my tears
and I have no one to hold me close
no one here who loves me
and no one really cares anyway

I hide to cry
because no one really cares anyway
and is this pain even real
it really doesn't matter
and no one really cares anyway

I hide to cry
because no one validates my pain
and no one really cares
so why should I
and it really doesn't matter anyway

Eyes...

2006-03-21T13:38:00.000+05:30

They say eyes tell everthing...do they really do...if so then why did she leave me??..wondering........

You see the pain that lies in my eyes,
But, alas, my eyes are dry,
I won't cry.
No, I won't cry.

You see the anger that burns from my gaze,
The madness that sets my eyes ablaze,
I won't cry.
No, I won't cry.

You see the fear that closes my eyes,
The smile I wear is nothing but a disguise,
I won't cry.
No, I won't cry.

You see the hope that is finally dead,
I cannot trust for my heart has been bled,
I won't cry.
No, I won't cry.

You see the love that lies within,
But I shall never love again,
I won't cry.
No, I won't cry.

You see death's hand that has glazed my eyes,
No one saw me die inside,
They won't cry.
No, they won't cry.

No one will...no one cares...no one did and will no one will ever care...

Questions??

2006-03-21T13:23:00.000+05:30

How many steps will it take to walk a mile?
How many seconds will it take to wait a while?
How many battles do I need to win?
How many Gods do I need, to forgive my sin?

How many times must I betray my faith?
How many times can I control my hate?
When do I say that justice isn't fair??
How can I endure the burden that I bear?

Where is the youth who wud dare?
Where can I find the people who really care?
Where can I find the road to success?
Is it in the north, south, east, or west?

Where can I find true love?
That God had gave from above?
How many struggles do I need to make it through?
When do I say that a statement is false or true?

How can I forgive others?
When they have left me in tears?
Can you give help to those people in need?
After they have dropped you and left you to bleed?

Who are the people that I can trust?
In this world, to fight is a must.
The world will continue to evolve,
But these questions remain unsolved.........

Moving On

2006-03-16T10:49:00.000+05:30

We had been together for many a year,
Now, all I could feel was fear.
I gave all that I could give,
It just wasn't the way she wanted to live.

She left without a backward glance,
Not even giving my love a chance.
I often wonder what I could have done,
To keep her from going on the run.

Now I am all alone,
With nothing to call my own.
I can barely make myself eat,
Wondering if my life will ever again be complete.

Now I am moving along,
Building my courage, and becoming strong.
Time will heel my broken pride,
Toward the sunset my heart will glide.

Did you see me?

2006-03-16T10:45:00.000+05:30

Last Night i had a dream of seeing her at a signal...just get one or two glimpses of her before the signal turned green and she went off my screen.

I saw you last night
With him in your car.

Did you see me?
I wonder
Did you see?

As I stared into your car,
Your eyes fixed on him,
I prayed.

I prayed
God would make a switch
Replace him with me.

Did you see me?
I wonder,
Did you see?

I knew, though,
That God
Would not answer that prayer.

Did you see me?
I wonder
Did you see?

As the light turned green
I took another look;
I laughed uneasily.

I wished again
For God to make a switch;
To replace him with me.

Did you see me?
I wonder
Did you see?

I wished you would look at me
The way you looked at him;
I wished you still loved me.

Did you see me?
I wonder
Did you see?

I know now
I guess I've always known;
It's all over.

I'll never feel your love;
I'll never feel your touch;
I'll never hold you in my arms
The way I want to so much.

So, again I wonder
As I sit there all alone,

Did you see me?
I wonder
Did you see?

My Dilemma.....

2006-03-10T10:04:00.000+05:30

As I sit here on the ground
With my head spinning round and round
Holding on, closing my eyes
Letting go of my silent cries
Tears fall down my cheek
Energy draining I’m so weak
Hidden beneath the disguise
Hoping no one will see through these lies
Reaching out but no ones there
Holding back because no one will care
Lie after lie, day after day
What can I do to make it all go away?
Can’t even tell them what I’m really thinking
Can’t even tell them why my heart is sinking
I can’t bring myself to tell them all
Why I struggle and fall
Can’t bring myself to say
I need help, please make it go away
Can’t tell them how I really feel
Can’t tell them anything that’s real
Holding back, to scared of what they’ll say
Will it be ok, or will they send me away
Lie after lie, another day of having to hide
Burying this pain deep inside
Another day comes and goes
Hiding this secret that no one knows

Hearts Demise

2006-03-07T09:04:00.000+05:30

Lightning flashes up in the skies
The raindrops fall as Mr Cupid cries
He made a match that was unwise
Not watching where his arrow flies

Didn't know a problem would arise
Couldn't foresee my hearts demise
He meant well as he always tries
but even he seems to have his lows and highs

On him, my heart no longer relies
The time has come to cut the ties
As too many tears have dropped from my eyes
He must be stopped before my heart dies

This plan of his, he must revise
As my heart has said it's last goodbyes
Out of the ashes I will rise
As for Mr Cupid, I have come to despise

Why??

2006-03-07T08:46:00.000+05:30

Why do I love you
With all my heart?
Why did I fall for you
From the start?

Why do you cause me
So much pain?
Why do you stick to my heart
Like a stain?

Why couldn't I see
You weren't gonna stay?
Why did I believe
You were gonna take the pain away?

Why did you play my heart
Like a game?
Why couldn't you ever
Feel the same?

Why do I sit
In my room all alone?
Why do I pray
You would call my phone?

Why did you end it
When i wasn't here?
Why didn't it bother you
When you made my eyes tear?

Why cant I stop thinking of you,
Why can't I say goodbye
Why do I still get jealous
When I see you with the other guy?

Why do you come back in my life
As soon as I'm letting go?
Why do I still get butterflies
When you just say hello?

Why can't I forget about you
And put you in the past?
Why does a part of me still believe
That me and you were made to last?

Unspoken Words

2006-03-07T08:43:00.000+05:30

I don't understand,
How can you do this to me?
How can you change your mind so quick,
And tell me it's not meant to be?

After all the things you said,
And after all the things we did.
Your going to throw it all away,
Who are you trying to kid?

I deserve some answers,
What did i do wrong?
How can our love be over,
After being together so long?

I got so many questions,
Coz now my heart is broken.
But there's nothing i can do.
So i'll leave these words unspoken.

Raindrops of the Heart

2006-03-07T08:22:00.000+05:30

Forever lasting love , A dream we both dream...
Forever lasting us , Impossible it seems...

Drowning in my tears , Raindrops of the heart...
Embracing my fear ,Thought of us apart...

Shattered sweet soul , A million broken pieces...
Watching silently as you go , Missing the butterfly kisses...

Broken heart and memories , Now all I have left to cherish...
Foolish dreams that love last eternally , Pain that never completely vanish...

You taught me how to loathe , Now I live in a world so dim
Asked you who you love most , Cried when you said it was -him-

Last Goodbye

2006-03-06T09:14:00.000+05:30

I still miss you...
But not like I did before.
The intense aching I felt,
Isn't there anymore.

I still whisper your name...
Not as often as I used to.
Now it may be once,
Before the day is through.

I still hear your voice...
Replaying in my mind.
But it's fading now,
Soon silence I will find.

I still long for you...
To feel your touch.
But it's not like before,
I don't dream it as much.

I still think about you...
And wonder how you are.
But my feelings have changed,
And they don't go as far.

I still feel you sometimes...
Maybe you're thinking of me?
Or maybe it's just a little memory,
Of how it used to be.

I still love you...
But it's just not as strong.
Because I'm letting you go now,
So we can both move on.

I still hear you say...
No one will love me like you do.
That's so hard to believe now,
After the hurt you put me through.

You still have a piece of my heart..
Because I always felt you here.
Now, I'm hoping and praying,
That, that too, will quickly disappear.

This will be my last goodbye..
I've nothing else to say.
Everything I felt for you,
Can now just fade away.....

I Loved You Too.

2006-03-06T01:42:00.000+05:30

So many thoughts,
I don't know where to begin,
I'll start from my heart,
and what I feel within.

I still have feelings,
which haven't changed,
because when you left me
my life was re-arranged.

I used to cry
so many times a day,
but lately those tears
have been fading away.

I am hoping that
my brighter day soon will come,
and maybe, just maybe,
I'll find that special someone.

Yes, it's been hard,
but I'm getting back my life,
I've even managed
to put away the knife.

I will find someone
who's right for me,
who loves me
and lets me be all I can be.

Yet the thought of you and him,
is tearing me apart,
because you will always have a special place
in my broken heart.

Do I still love you?
Yes, I do,
but another part of me
is getting over you.

I never thought I would say this,
but I simply have to confess,
with each and every day that goes by,
I love you less and less.

I just wanted to be with you,
but now you're gone,
and the time has come
for me to move on.

You meant so much to me,
in fact, you still do,
from the bottom of my heart,
I loved you too.

When My Love Said Goodbye

2006-03-05T14:09:00.000+05:30

Life changed so much when my love said goodbye,
The days went faster as if tomorrow would be another happy day,
A happier day than it was today,
But it wasn't happy at all,
The nights seemed to stop passing by,
Like it didn't want to,
Leaving me a mass of unhappiness,
A mass of sorrow and memories,
Floating back and forth in the empty room.

I heard the birds singing in those sunny summer afternoon,
And for once brief second,
I thought they were welcoming back spring,
When it had already passed by,
For one wishful moment I thought they were singing,
For welcoming back my love,
But it was only a fantasy,
It was a perfect dream gone sad.

I wished that my love would come back to be happy with me again,
But how much happiness,
How much of my wishes would really become reality?
Maybe I was afraid of my own reality,
That was why all my wishes fail on me,
Maybe I was too afraid to find someone new,
And it would be happening all over again,
Maybe my wishes had all become reality long ago,
But I had been turning away from them.

Other than you

2006-03-05T13:46:00.000+05:30

I’m feeling so fragile
My heart’s torn in two
Why can’t I love somebody
Other than you?

My problems would vanish
My heart would repair
And I would stop wishing
For you to be there

The tears that flow
Would cease to exist
And I’d stop dreaming
About the times which now a mist

I’d forget all those memories
And reasons I cried
Forget how you played me
Forget how you lied

But my heart is still broken
And you made it break
Shattered completely
More than I can take

I want to hate you
Make you suffer like me
But I love you too much
So I’m setting you free

Life would be easier
I’d make it through
If I loved somebody
Other than you

Set U Free

2006-03-05T13:42:00.000+05:30

Our song is softly playing
alone again, i cry
i feel so very small
below this endless sky

i watched u smiling at him
the way you smiled at me
his hand inside of yours
just like mine used to be

You whisper in his ear
and give him love so fine
the sparkle in her eyes
just like it was in mine

but still i let u go
and yes it breaks my heart
to stand alone without you
it tears my world apart

i wish that i could hold you
just LOOK you in the face
but now another sweetheart
is standing in my place

Watching how u love him
and how he loves you too
its way too much to handle
to know i once had you...

Tears Either Way...

2006-03-05T13:31:00.000+05:30

Whether I am with you
Or whether we are apart
There will always be two broken pieces
Of my fragile heart

I smile when I am with you
And no it is not fake
But when I go home is when I realize
That loving you is a mistake

You do not really care for me
And people tell me so
They always tell me you are his
I try to ignore it, as if I don’t know

But deep inside I know the truth
Yet, I pretend that I am fine
I cry my self to sleep
Wishing you were only mine

Still I do not understand
How in the world you can pretend
You are tearing me apart
My heart will never mend

Everyone tells me to leave and forget
Just to walk away
But that is even more painful
Than seeing you with him everyday

I wish I could just forget your face
But I am way too weak
Without you by my side
Life would be so bleak

The question now is to hang on or let go
Either way tears will form in my eyes
Should I just try to walk away from the one I love?
Or try to live with all the lies?

Shredded Memories

2006-03-05T12:47:00.000+05:30

I miss the first word you ever said to me..
I miss the last word you said before you left me..

I miss the first smile that you've shown me..
I miss the last smile that I never got to see..

I miss the first hug that you gave me..
I miss the last hug that I asked you to pity me..

I miss the first touch on your lips..
I miss the last touch when you turned your back on me..

I miss the first kiss that you've fallen for me..
I miss the last kiss, which I wasn't the person you kissed..

I miss the first song you sang to me..
I miss the last song of my sympathy..

I miss the first letter that you've written for me..
I miss the last letter which you've never written for me..

I miss the first time you said you love me..
I miss the only time you ever said that to me..

I miss hugging you when I see you trembling..
I miss cuddling you when I see you sad and lonely..

I miss your voice calling me under that loving scene..
I miss our moment together before memories shredded into pieces..

I miss the way you made me alive and glee..
I miss the way you used to be..

I miss u ....

Why did you break my heart?

2006-03-05T11:21:00.000+05:30

Why did you break my heart?
Why did we fall in love?
Why did you go away, away, away, away?

Dil mera churaaya kyoon
Jab yeh dil todna hi tha
Humse dil lagaaya kyoon
Humse munh modna hi tha

Dil mera churaaya kyoon
Jab yeh dil todna hi tha
Humse dil lagaaya kyoon
Humse munh modna hi tha

Why did you break my heart?
Why did we fall in love?
Why did you go away, away, away, away?

Ho, dil ko dhadakna tune sikhaaya
Dil ko tadapna tune sikhaaya
Aankhon mein aansu chhupe the kahin
Inko chhalakna tune sikhaaya

Seene mein basaaya kyoon
Dil se jab khelna hi tha
Humse dil lagaaya kyoon
Humse munh modna hi tha
Dil mera churaaya kyoon

Why did you break my heart?
Why did we fall in love?
Why did you go away, away, away, away?

Ho, milti thi nazrein jab bhi nazar se
Uthte the shole jaise jigar se
Saanson se nikla jaise dhuaan sa
Banta tha mujhse jeete na marte

Aag kyoon lagaayi jab
Bujhaaye dil chhodna hi tha
Humse dil lagaaya kyoon
Humse munh modna hi tha

Dil mera churaaya kyoon
Jab yeh dil todna hi tha
Humse dil lagaaya kyoon
Humse munh modna hi tha

Why did you break my heart?
Why did we fall in love?
Why did you go away, away, away?

Ab tere Bin....................

2006-02-28T23:59:00.000+05:30

Ab tere bin ji lenge ham
Zahar zindagi kaa pi lenge ham
Kyaa huaa jo ek dil tuut gayaa
Kyaa huaa jo ek dil tuut gayaa

Ab tere bin ji lenge ham
Zahar zindagi ka pii lenge ham

Teri aashiqi bhi ye kyaa rang lai
Vafaa maine kii tuune kii bevafaai
Meri bhuul thii main ye kyaa chahataa thaa
Kisii bevafaa se vafaa chahataa thaa
Tu jane kyaa beqaraarii
Bedard, bemuravvat
Jaa sangadil hasinaa
Dekhii teri muhabbat
Ab maine jaanaa tujhako beraham
Ab tere bin ji lenge ham
Zahar zindagi ka pii lenge ham

Sanam tod detaa muhabbat ke vaade
Agar jaan jaataa main tere iraade
Kise mainne chaaha
KahaaN dil lagaayaa
Main naadaan thaa kuchh samajh hii na paayaa
Mere aaNsuon ke motii
AaNkhon se bahataa paanii
Mere tuute dil ke TukaDe
Tere pyaar kii nishanii
Kaise main bhuluungaa tere sitam

Ab tere bin ji lenge ham
Zahar zindagi kaa pii lenge ham
Kyaa huaa jo ek dil tuut gayaa
Ab tere bin ji lenge ham
Zahar zindagi ka pii lenge ham
Ji lenge ham
Ji lenge ham
Ji lenge ham

Well my first blog thot will start today as being my bday thot nice day to start a new thing ....just wanted to write this as even now i thot she might just call me just once but...............neway have started the tread hope i will go on with a few more blogs at regular intervals.........hopefully i dont want this to die soon as here i can vent out my feelings with out neone being angry with me or bugged of hearing the same thing or tired of making me understand that she is gone forever or feel bad seeing my state..........well hope i keep blogging....heres the first one many more to come i hope.................as this song aptly says Ji lenge hum..........will live now donno how but will live live for myself now.............i know its going to be tough but then this is the fact i have to accept she is gone.................................................................gone for ever....................
AB TERE BIN JI LENGE HUM...................................